Okcupid Slow
So, typical scenario on OkCupid. I find a profile I at least rather, and perhaps quite like. Maybe even one where I think / “feel” we’re highly probable to make for a good – even excellent match. I message them, and … nothing. Statistically, that’s to be expected. For M messaging F on OkCuid, something roughly around 2/3 to 90% of those messages get zero response.
But alas, I “favorited” them, or gave them a (1-3) “star” rating.
I almost never give 4 of 5 stars – mostly because, at least as I recall, if one does that on OkCupid, it notifies them … and that’s likely counter productive – at least I’d think … whether I’d messaged them or not. Maybe if I’d already met ’em and know ’em fairly well, perhaps that would work fine – but otherwise I think it mostly would make any chance of mine with them only slightly less probable – so I almost never give 4 or 5 start ratings on OkCupid. But I digress.
Alas, having favorited them, I also generally see their activity … various updates they make, they show in my searches, “matches” and activity, even often shows me when the logon. And, … that’s mostly just a slow bit of torture – as I’d already messaged them, hadn’t heard back – and in most cases/probabilities, never will. Likewise, they look at my profile – I see that … but again, most probably they’ll never message me back, and it’s mostly just more slow torture. Could message them again? Sure, … but that’s highly unlikely to get a response. If they didn’t respond to a first message, pretty darn improbable they’d respond to a second one – particularly if they’ve been on the site some hours or days or more since I sent them that message, and they’ve had more than ample time to read it and respond. So, a second message would, where they’d not replied at all to the first, at least most probably, would be a counter productive waste (and a bit more slow torture).
Many many times – just as part of emotional “survival” strategy – and the harsh realities … I message someone, and I then, more-or-less, as much as feasible, try to – much as I hope and wish they’ll respond – I try to start letting go and forgetting about them the instant I’ve sent the message – because most of the time I’ll hear exactly nothing back – ever – and nothing will ever come of it – and more messages won’t make it better. But there’s still that slow torture aspect to it.
Okcupid Close Account
But alas … a somewhat better way of dealing with that. :-) On OkCupid, one can “hide” a user. When one does that, they can still message you, and you them, but … they won’t show up in your searches, matches, activity, that they’ve viewed your profile (or you theirs), etc. So, … I’ve changed my strategy. I send a first message, then “hide” them and remove them from my favorites. If I get a message from them great – or at least potentially so. And, if not, … I, for the most part, never at all see or are reminded of or about them again at all – at least not by OkCupid in any way. Well, … except there’s still the “sent messages” – they show up in there, unless/until I delete them. Maybe too, I’ll also start doing that at some point? But that’s not as critical – as once I “hide” the user, and remove them from favorites, “sent messages” is the only place on OkCupid I’ll ever see them again.
Reality sucks … but sometimes there are ways to make it feel at least a slight bit less sucky.
Ok Cupid Show
Sara Konrath, PhD, a social psychologist and consultant for OkCupid, likens slow dating to other mindfulness approaches we’ve implemented in our daily lives. 'Slow dating' is based on a desire. Oh no!OkCupid requires you enable Javascript in your browser. OkCupid found which single a lot of women benefited using this slow-paced type of dating, and additionally plenty of appreciated to be able to have a conversation without being burdened to go on a primary date. “ If most people look at the try few months, 31. 5% of young women given more benefits messages these January as compared with last year. OkCupid also found that slow or intentional dating has become a trend, with eighty-four percent of respondents saying it’s more important to have an emotional connection before a physical one. Conversely, people have begun to move through the dating process a lot faster when they do form relationships because of the pandemic, as many are.